Catholic writings

Affability means treating our ‘inferiors’ with courtesy, and it is a pleasant quality that should be particularly present among those who have a high status due to birth, wealth, or employment.

The higher a person’s status, whether by birth or social class, the more important it is for them to exhibit the qualities of gentleness and affability.

Indeed, anyone wishing to gain the love of others ought to love making themselves beloved and accessible, showing themselves to be endowed with the kind of noble and simple goodness which wins hearts and minds, and allows all whom they encounter to leave satisfied and full of esteem for them. To achieve this, the person must firstly eliminate all pride and anger from their words, as these add nothing of dignity, but rather demean greatness. Secondly, they must use affability and gentleness to alleviate the fear which inferior people naturally have for the great, perhaps as a result of excessive respect.

A popular tradition details a perfect example of this kind of affability. A local mayor of a village in the Alps had to receive the king, and pay him the proper compliments. He wrote the words down, studied them, rehearsed them several times in the sanctuary of his chamber, and was delighted by how well his memory served him. And when the king arrived, he plucked at his moustache and began:

‘Sire, the joy in our hearts upon welcoming Your… Majesty is so great that...’

But he could say no more. He began again, repeated the blessed phrase three or four times, sweated, turned purple, but no matter how he strained his mind, he could not finish his speech. The king, however, did not turn on his heels; instead, he shook the hapless mayor’s hand and with the most amiable smile he said: “Yes, yes, your joy is so great that you cannot express it in words.”

How many of the fortunate people of this world rudely reject the tributes of their employees and those below them!

But a person must be hard-hearted and insensitive indeed if they do not love being good and affable, if they treat the respect of their ‘inferiors’ with indifference and contempt!

By rejecting these sweet tokens of affection, are we not declaring ourselves undeserving of love? Is it not demeaning to despise our fellow men to such an extent, and to reject their homage with an attitude so contemptuous that it itself deserves contempt?

While it is often true that it is our character rather than our pride that darkens our expression, making those who wish to approach us turn away in intimidation, is this really any justification?

Is it then acceptable for the fortunate of the world to be harsh, sarcastic and rude to the wretched, oppressed by pain or poverty, who come to them seeking comfort, who feel the need to expand, who beg for a single kind word?

Is it not barbarous to set the burden of our whims upon those who already groan under the yoke of misfortune, or of others’ authority? Anyone who has a heart understands how sweet it is to condescend to the level of the small people, to treat them gently, to listen to their sorrows, to grant them a kind smile and a word of advice or comfort, or to courteously offer support or their generous assistance!

It is not uncommon for the great, the noble, the rich (the influencers) to complain of the contempt of the plebs. But where did these plebs learn this contempt, if not from the haughtiness, disdain, harshness, and indeed the very contempt of the great? While it is true that titles, wealth, dignity, and all the splendour that they bring do arouse the envy of the wretched, if this splendour were but a little dimmed by the sweet light of affability, then the envy and hatred of the poor for the rich would soon die, to be replaced by a white, shining cloud of admiration, respect, confidence, love, gratitude towards the great rising up from below. We would once again see an enviable harmony reign among the different social classes, the likes of which is nowadays unfortunately only a historical memory and wishful thinking.

If affability were a difficult virtue, I would excuse the harshness displayed by some; but what could be easier than a word sprung from humble charity, a gracious smile, and sometimes just a simple glance? How foolish, then, is the pride of those who, with a stern frown, seem continually to strive to turn away those hearts that could so easily be attracted and endeared!

We must be affable to all we encounter; for, according to the illustrious Massillon, affability is the characteristic endowment of true greatness. The descendants of truly noble stock, the superiority of whose name and the antiquity of whose origin is disputed by no-one, do not wear their pride on their sleeves; they would, if they possibly could, keep their dignity hidden. However, their greatness is felt and seen by all, thanks to the simple nobility that shines through in their every act.

Yes, it is gentleness and affability that make them respectable, more than nobility of blood and census; these are worth more than all the titles and gold in the world when it comes to attract the affection of hearts and minds.

G. B. A. La Buona Settimana, Torino 1892